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08 Nov

Bury The Onion 17 hours ago

Sports: Shaq, Cavaliers Start To Bond After Rollerblading Around Cleveland

CLEVELAND—After strapping on inline skates for the first time ever Monday, Cavaliers center Shaquille O'Neal and his new teammates bonded while Rollerblading through the streets of Cleveland. ...

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College Freshman Makes Triumphant Return To High School

COCONUT CREEK, FL—"I'm back, Bayshore High," 18-year-old Henry Doyle announced as he pulled his mother's Toyota Camry slowly into the parking lot normally reserved for faculty, emerging with a knowing grin. "Bet you never thought you'd see the likes of me again!" ......

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In Focus: Kids Excited Mom Learning To Swear

PESHTIGO, WI--After a lifetime of assiduously avoiding the use of foul language, Helen Chernak, 59, is finally learning to swear, her delighted offspring reported Monday. ...

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Sports: 95-Year-Old Yankees Fan Afraid He'll Never Get To See Team Win 27 More World Series

NEW YORK—Michael Grippo, a 95-year-old Bronx native, told reporters Wednesday that he is "worried sick" that he won't live to see the Yankees win another 27 World Series titles. ...

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