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John McCain Falls Asleep On Conan’s LapComical old person John “WALNUTS!” McCain appeared on a popular late-night television show on Friday. He was so funny! His jokes are unstoppable. He pretended to fall asleep in Conan’s lap! So funny! Oh and jeez what’s in his mouth now??? Ahhhhhhggg! [Boston Globe/Top of ... |
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Dan Rather: Jesse Jackson Paved the Way For Osama Bin LadenMaybe it’s true! After all, Osama bin Laden would’ve never known about New York’s big Jewish population had Jesse not called it “Hymietown.” EVERYBODY WILL BE ISSUED NEW NAMES AT THE CONVENTIONS. [Morning Joe/MSNBC] ... |
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U.S., Iraq Agree To Preliminary Possible Undefined Withdrawal ‘Time Horizon’ That Is Also VagueNo timetables for leaving Iraq, declares our George W. Bush! The terrorists would dine out on a timetable! This is why we do not have a timetable for leaving Iraq, even though the Iraqi government wants one (although they have elections too and may be PANDERING to bums who will be killed upon wit... |
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Greatest Ever New Yorker Cover“No one would do such a cover of McCain, playing into the most damaging rumors, but imagine this: a jaunty young John, in his pilot uniform, sitting comfortably and chatting with his Vietnamese captors. Two gorgeous gals serve his every wish. He is smoking a cigar and drinking a martini. In... |
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Chip Pickering Baseball Violence Scandal: He Didn’t Mean To Hurt That Man!We have received another FIRST-HAND REPORT from an attendee of last night’s Congressional Baseball Game during which Congressman Chip Pickering’s metal bat hit some guy in the face and made him bleed everywhere. It is so FIRST-HAND, this report, that the source was the person who actu... |
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Ted Stevens Is DoomedThe ancient snow troll who coined the most tired Internet phrase in the universe and who wanted to build a bazillion-dollar bridge to his Arctic Palace for Alcoholic Vietnam Vets ‘N Herring may soon leave the Senate seat he has occupied since 1812. That’s right — Ted Stevens fac... |
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