United States

Amoral War Robots May Make Better Soldiers

Every six months or so you will read something in the paper about a kooky new DARPA project where military scientists have outfitted wasps with nuclear warheads, or invented some kind of mind-reading goo or Cloak of Invisibility or whatever. Your semi-annual installment of freaky War Science News...

United States Government Unveils ‘TARP II: THE CURSE OF BERNANKE’S GOLD’

Whoa hey… whoa… what the hell? “The United States government unveiled $800 billion worth of new loans and debt purchases on Tuesday, hoping another massive infusion of cash would smooth troubled credit markets and make borrowing easier for homebuyers, small businesses and stud...

Joint Chiefs Chairman Cancels His Sexy Naked XXXmas Party

The Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, Adm. Mike Mullen, and his lovely wife, “Mrs. Mike,” are canceling their annual Christmas soiree for various local warlords and celebrities such as Kid Rock — Because Of The Recession. Curses! We had just purchased our Barry Goldwater co...

Joe The Plumber’s Life Officially Becomes Off-Putting David Lynch Film

We don’t know how to adequately explain the footage here. Unlicensed craftsman Samuel Wurzelbacher, who is also known as “Joe the Plumber,” is doing commercials for some cheap-ass electronics online scam store, in which he both stresses the importance of and promises to offer pe...

Mike Murphy On Slow Boat To China

Once upon a time when people played poker and they came across somebody who lost very large and predictable amounts at the table, other players would say, “I’d like to get you on a slow boat to China,” so that this loser could continue to shed large amounts of cash for a long pe...

Russian Expert: America To Separate Into Breakaway Republics